Qwerpline Ep19 - Flush the Grid
Date: October 26, 2016
Editing and Graphics: Graham Stark
Illustrations: Devin "Featherweight" Harrigan
Sponsor: The Quixotic Robotic Antibiotic - Recklessly suicidal antibacterial nanites - now a Schedule One Narcotic.
Slogan: Born Under a Bad Sign - Nsburg eventually tore the sign down. It was a bad sign.
The QWRP station is back under its own management, as Captain Toot-Toot bought the boat he always wanted and retired to the ocean. It's the Nsburg Harvest Festival, so citizens with large or unusually shaped (but not obscene) vegetables should ready them. It's also the Running of the Nsberries in East Sump Acres - citizens of Nsburg gather on the banks of the East Sump Acres Culvert Grid with colanders to gather Nsburg's seasonal delicacy. It's also fall, and time for the citizens of Nsburg to change their clocks - literally, they dispose of the old clocks and buy new ones.
Sadie is back from her vacation in Italy, starting with the Vatican for the Church Ladies' Vatican Sleepover (only for the very pious). Initial reports indicated that the weather would be clement (calm and mild), but upon being informed that the Running of the Nsberries was that day, Sadie re-ran the numbers - to Alex's surprise - and changed her report. The increased moisture from flushing the Grid ran the risk of a complete inversion, causing:
- Quad rain
- Rail hail (dressing warmly, preferably with ablative layers, is recommended)
- Pitman's drizzle - the deadliest kind
Nothing is going on in the arts this week.
Richter is monitoring the streets of Nsburg for human trafficking - which is his term for the conveyance of people from one location to another. He has acquired a police badge from the internet, and will be reporting to Officer Steve. Unlicensed human trafficking, therefore, is represented by the presence of a rideshare on Nsburg's streets. Ironically (or possibly hypocritically?) Richter is running a "'coptershare", ferrying passengers from place to place as a means of supplementing his income.
Subject: Slavoj Dinkwither of the Chuffield Extremophile Research Institute (funded by the University of Chuffield)
Derek found Dr. Dinkwither on the banks of the Culvert Grid, and Dr. Dinkwither consented to be interviewed. He was in Nsburg to investigate the Nsberries - known to the rest of Thurpston County as "filth-spores". The initial research was simply on how anything could survive at all in the Culvert Grid, but upon discovering that the citizens of Nsburg eat the Nsberries, Dr. Dinkwither becomes more interested in that fact. Over the course of the exchange between Derek and the researcher, we discover the following things about the seasonal delicacy:
- It is actually a fungus, despite the name and the bright spots
- It is not "juicy" per se, the "juice" is fluid absorbed from the Culvert Grid (and therefore probably not even a little bit safe to drink)
- It is not in any way sweet - the perception of sweetness is a side effect of a powerful hallucinogen in the fungus.
Dr. Dinkwither suggested in closing that the people of Nsburg continue eating Nsberries to "keep up the immunity", and mail him their stool samples.
- Nsberries are popular in Nsburg in a variety of desserts, or even spread on a pizza.
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