Qwerpline Ep10 - Key To The City
It's news, traffic, and arts today on QWRP, plus Aldersm'n Alex has to take off for some civic business.
Date: February 2, 2016
Editing and Graphics: Graham Stark
Illustrations: Devin "Featherweight" Harrigan
"A Steppe Below!"
A slogan born from a woeful misunderstanding of both geological physiology and of slogans.
- "Geyserwatch 2016" is in effect. "Old Blowey, the Therpston blowhole", a volcanic geyser is set to erupt as it does exactly once a year though nobody can say when. Despite bylaws, the county bets on when it will happen. Also the Town Hall has a special on a drink called the "Geyser", consisting of three shots of rum, two liters of diet coke, and a mentos.
- Police warns of a new street drug called "Durian".
Richter has obtained a controlling share in Dee's Discount Pet Shop, and spends his time advertising it. He also has 12 puppies in his helicopter, that "mostly have parachutes".
Let's Go to the Phones
Barbara Duley calls in to inform the birders of nsburg about a brown thrum that has appeared in the Frampton Downs Nature Park.
Among the features of the brown thrum are:
- Small, round, brown, bird, about 3 inches high
- Brown head, brown tail, slightly darker brown wings, brown beak
- Tan feet
- Likes water features such as birdbaths
- Its song is one sustained tweet, one note, one tone, 12 seconds long
The bird is then devoured by a miniature pinscher with a parachute.
It's the Arts
- Percussion group "Stimp" has finished its sold out run in nsburg
- The "Nsburg Primal Scream Therapy Men's Choir" is holding their annual recital.
Live on Location
Derek is live at the Nsburg town hall where he is receiving the key to the city for saving the Maze Runners. Aldersm'n Alex is less than pleased to have to give it to him. Alex was late because of dog in a parachute landing on his car. Alex swiftly gives the key, and then everybody goes to the other town hall for drinks. Derek asks himself some hard-hitting questions and scares himself into ending an interview with himself and dropping his phone while trying to run away from the interviewer.
Among the Questions were:
- When you were in that cave, did you give in to a moment of fear?
- What were you feeling when those 21 lost souls cast their eyes upon you, the savior of their salvation?
- Are you planning on using your new key based superpowers to impress Kelsie?
- Do you like Kelsie?
- Tryouts are about to start for little league sideball
- A new stamp worth -3 cents is introduced to offset a drop in postage rates. The stamp depicts the East Sump Acres Culvert Grid and Sewage Outflow.
- Get Wet Dinette Set
Make a splash at your next dinner party and soak your guests with the only dinner table functioning as a water park! The Get Wet Dinette Set! Made from Waterproof chinette!
Make a splash at your next party by soaking your guests with a whole bunch of water at the dinner table! The Get Wet Dinette Set! A meal you won't forget!
- Richter now owns a controlling share in "Dee's Discount Pet Shop".
- Little league sideball is about to start
- A new stamp worth -3 cents is introduced to offset a drop in postage rates. The stamp depicts the East Sump Acres Culvert Grid and Sewage Outflow
- Nsburg is exactly 6 feet above sea level, a fact which is measured at the same time every year
- Stimp's touring setup is so elaborate that there was only enough space in the playhouse for 11 seats.
- Announcer - Beej
- Big G-Money - Graham
- A-Train - Alex
- Richter Hammockslam - Ian
- Barbara Duly - Kathleen
- Edith Slump - Kathleen
- Fred the NPSTMC Founder - Ian
- Derek - Beej
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