LoadingReadyRun Streams Quotes

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CheckPointPlus

• Kathleen: "I can't control what comes out of my mouth. There's no brain thing there. The tongue is engaging separately. It's pure reptile instinct."

CP+ After-Show

• Kathleen: "Come down to GSC Europe map warehouse where GSC stands for Geograpically Somewhat Correct. Our maps are mostly European but have great new countries, like Snorsh."

CP+ After-Show subscriber commercial

• Graham: "I haven't even been to Blight Town yet."

Kathleen: "I don't know what that means."

Graham: "You'll be able to infer it when I start screaming from the other room."

CheckPointPlus

• Graham: *after getting the NAACP confused with the AARP* "We are from a different country. We don't know your things."

CheckPointPlus

Graham & Paul Let's Play

Dark

• Graham: "I can tell you about Sanctuary. Dude, they have twins, *twins*, working there, though the DJ doesn't know what she's doing. She's a real bitch."

Dark

• Graham begins level in a dead-end alley, facing out

Graham: "Where did I come in from?"

Dark

• Paul: *making fun of the take-down animation* "By the rules of this game I'm playing, I have to die now."

Dark

• Graham: "Okay men, we're going up against dangerous vampires that have killed dozens of people, but the budget's a bit tight, so only half of you get armour."

Dark

• Paul: "I don't see how that's a special power. It's just teleporting and punching a guy."

Dark

• Paul: "These guys need a radio. Seriously. This is not the sort of information you should be sending over email."

Paul: *imitating soldier* "Hey, did you get that message about me advancing? GMail's been acting weird lately."

Dark

• Paul: "What was your plan?"

Graham: "I was going to punch him, but he wasn't close enough."

Dark

• Graham: "Oh, food! No, wait, he's got armor."

Dark

• Graham: *after finishing 'Dark'* "You know what we could do for the next hour?"

Paul: "Cry bitterly?"

Dark

• Paul: *after finishing Dark* "We are no longer playing Dark." [pause] "Dark can Get. Fucked."

Dark -- YouTube (8:25)

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: *looking at a cake, playing as Aiden* "I threw it on the ground!" *cake explodes*

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "No burning?"

Graham: "Eh, I don't think we have to kill them all."

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "So, you wanna sleep with the guy later?"

Graham: "Yeah, sure."

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "My apologies to the people upset that we missed a thing, but I really don't care."

Beyond: Two Souls

• *Jodie is expected to deliver a baby*

Graham: I don't... I... Key..."

Paul: "The CIA did not train me for this."

Beyond: Two Souls

• Graham: "X to comfort!"

Paul: "You have failed the comforting mini-game. She is not comforted at all."

Beyond: Two Souls

• *A QTE appears for Jodie to cut the umbilical cord*

Graham: "Oh God, don't fuck this up."

Paul: "Why is cutting the cord like a God of War sequence?"

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "It's like 'Think, Jodie, think... I know, the ghost thing that's the point of this game! I'll use that!'"

Graham: "'I'm a genius!'"

Paul: "'...The thing that I use to solve every single problem!'"

Graham: "'It's brilliant!'"

Beyond: Two Souls

• *Jodie knocks on the door and a very handsome Native American answers it*

Jodie: "I'm so sorry to disturb you"

Graham: "...you massive hunk of man."

Beyond: Two Souls

• *A guard turns Jodie away from the Supermarket*

Graham: "What, you just know she's homeless, and you're all like: 'Ah-ah-ah!'"

Paul: "Well she is all roughed up..."

Graham: "It could be Exam Period!"

Beyond: Two Souls

• *Paul notices that Aiden is no longer tied to Jodie*

Paul: "I'm freeeeeee!"

*gets blocked by wall*

Paul: "Aww."

Beyond: Two Souls

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Paul: "You have lost your RPG privileges young man."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Paul: *reading chat* "'Did you just fight a helicopter with a sword?' Yes. If you have a problem with this, get out."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Graham: "I may have accidentally destroyed that train car."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Paul: "This bad guy comes pre-sliced."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Graham: "I forgot I had the thing made of arms."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Graham: *after having a game mechanic explained in a near-end final boss fight* "OH! That explains EVERY QUESTION I HAD WITH THIS COMBAT SYSTEM."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Graham: "His sword legitimately has Twitter."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Paul: "My platform: Enormous spider robots for everyone! A spider robot in every garage! Also, larger garages."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

The Witcher 2

• Graham: "Racial Profiling: It's not always wrong!"

The Witcher 2

Ryse: Son of Rome

• Graham: "Search the swamp for enemies and/or Yoda!"

Ryse: Son of Rome

Killzone: Shadowfall

• In-game voice: "You've lost sight of what matters!"

Paul: "Hey, I am all about what matters! Poontang."

Killzone: Shadowfall

Psychonauts

• Paul: "I lit myself on fire, but on the plus side, I lit the rest of them on fire."

Psychonauts

Things on My Stream

Oni

• Paul: "The problem is real buildings are boring."

Oni

• Paul: "Don't make me put my face in front of your fists. Because I wouldn't like to do that."

Oni

• Paul: "How do you like them apples? I bet you don't like them at all. I bet you don't like apples in that way."

Oni

• Enemy: "You're weak!"

Paul: "Well, you're flipped, so what are you gonna do about it?"

Oni

• Paul: "Oh no! He got palette-swapped! The worst!"

Oni

• Paul: "*excitedly* This actually brings us to another... *goes disappointed* flaw with this game."

Oni

• Paul: "I got hit by all of the missiles. Look at the difference in my life."

Oni

• Paul: "It's in good hands, but I don't know whose hands those are."

Oni

• Paul: "This is the Saga of Baggage Handler Man!"

Oni

Out of This World

• Paul: *desk explodes* "That was a large part of my desk that I needed. Also, me."

Out of This World

• Paul: *after about 30-odd deaths on one part* "What the hell?! I did all that and it's a dead end?"

Out of This World

Psychonauts

• Paul: "You are right. The reason Graham isn't here, is that he hates you."

Psychonauts

Loom

• Voiceover: "Please select your skill level."

Paul: *selects expert* "We're not scrubs here."

Loom

Beej's Backlog

Main Article: Beej's Backlog

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "Oh god, it begins."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "Oh, right. The nineties."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Opening cut-scene shows pirate ships

Beej: "So for those of you tuning in, we are playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag. The reason it looks like garbage is because I'm playing it on your least favorite video game system - you can fill in THAT blank however you like."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "I'm totally getting this game-OH, JESUS!"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "Do I slide to the bottom, or do I just keep humping poles?"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "I stabbed between her legs, didn't I?"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej (after the camera clips through an enemy): "Hey, did you guys ever want to see the ass-end of an exploding dog?"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "You take forever to get up you dumb dick."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "She's naked. She's not invincible."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej (on failing to be able to complete the game due to a game-breaking portal glitch right before the last boss battle) : "Get bent, Ubisoft."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

Odama

• Just about everyone at some point: "Thanks, Odama!"

Odama

• Beej: "How do I launch rice balls?"

Odama

• Beej: "Does he have giant hands? Why is there...? What the hell is that thing?"

Odama

• Beej: "Nooo! Give me my Odama back!"

Odama

• Beej: "Stop fucking talking so I can see the ball!"

Odama

• Beej: "Shitty McFucks! My guys can't do dick all!"

Odama

• Beej: "Don't press the X button while you're having a rant, because these guys don't understand English!"

Odama

• Beej: "Here! Have a morale bong!"

Odama

• Beej: *in happy voice* "Oh really?! Oh wow! That sucks! FUCK YOU!"

Odama

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I bet ya I need more of that weed."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I thought this would be actual food."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "We're going to play until I can grow something successful, get another animal, and either make friends with the old lady, or marry a cat."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: *regarding sketchy guy* "OK, just walk around my farm. I don't mind. Please don't murder me."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "It's sunset and I'm missing it because I'm watering my fucking plants."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "It's 3 AM. What the fuck am I doing up?"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "Look! A tomato I grew! Wanna get married?"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I thought you were a girl, too. Are you picking me up? I've got some news for ya, kid."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "Did I milk the wrong half of the cow?"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I'm probably going to drink one of the milks, and then probably the second one."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Alex: "You're just slamming unpasteurized milk? That's H-core!"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "That's the thing about Dixbutt. If Dixbutt is happy, you get better cows."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: *picks up unknown object off the ground and eats it* "Mmmm... Fresh... thing..."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Alex: "Twitter and Tumblr are really a getting senpai to notice you simulator."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: *to Nami, who won't take the milk he's offering her* "You drink my fucking milk!"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I wouldn't put a human body in the compost heap. That'd be terrible for the compost."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I have a dog and I don't know..."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "OK, I walk into her butt..."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "He has been underground so long, he has phosphorescent urine."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Alex: "I can't normal people."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I got all dressed up for nothing!"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life, when the wedding was basically just a cut to black.

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

• *getting handle on controls in a speeder, bumping into everything'*

Beej: "Oh man, you cannot destroy this thing."

*vehicle crashes into a wall and explodes*

Beej: "You can destroy this thing!"

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

• Beej: "Something big and purple shows up on my screen and I just want to shoot lasers into it."

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

• Beej: "I can't pick up their weapons. I guess they're part of their hands."

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

• Beej: "This is not run-and-gun so much as it is herp-and-derp."

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

• Beej: "I'm in some kind of... shiny gold Hell..."

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

• *boosts straight into the shield gate*

Beej: "I hit the wrong button..."

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

Yoot Tower

• Graham: "How high can you build this thing? Have you touched the face of God?"

Heather: "We saw Santa!"

Graham: "That's almost the same thing."

Yoot Tower

• Beej: "You have an entire floor for peeing!"

Yoot Tower

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "If you come to LRRCon and I find out you've been calling me a scrub, I'm gonna punch you in the face. I guess my wife will be first when I get home."

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "They're my subjects, I can do what I will with them."

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "OH YEAH! Fecal transplants are AWESOME!"

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "There's, like, a pound of dicks I need you to eat."

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "I was a pretty big deal in the Sailor Moon community."

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "I've had a buttload of sex."

Super Princess Peach

• Beej: "Don't make 'straight penised' a thing."

Super Princess Peach

• Alex: "Next time you're in Seattle we're going to have to fill you with Dick's."

Super Princess Peach

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

• Beej (after dying in Bowser's platforming section): "He has shit physics!"

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

• Heather: *notices scrub counter in chat* The scrub count is much higher than that."

Beej: "I think it's per stream."

Heather: "No, even for this stream it's higher than that."

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

• Beej: *attempting to fly from platform to platform*

Heather: "You'll get there. I believe in you"

Beej: "Thank you."

Beej: *dives off the platform again*

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

• Beej: "You're not buffering, you're just watching the same thing over and over again."

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

IDDQDerp

Main Article: IDDQDerp

Metro: Last Light

• Alex aiming a sniper rifle at a bad guy's head

Alex: "What do you think his hopes and dreams look like?"

Cam: "Let's look."

Boom, headshot.[1]

Metro: Last Light

• Cam sounding out a sign written in Russian

Alex: "Wait, you can read that!?"

Cam: "Well, Cyrillic is heavily based in Greek, right?"

Alex: "...You can read Greek?"

Metro: Last Light

Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "You got the Belt of Truth!"

Cam: "What about the socks of righteousness?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "So this really looks like Quake, right? But like BAD Quake?"

Alex: "This...this looks like Quake by way of Doom or Wolfenstein."

Cam: "Yeah, this looks like not Quake; like...Heretic?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "Are those blood drops on his pool cue!?"

Graham cracks up

Alex: "What are we even looking at?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Cam: "It's just as good as any game a heathen would play."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "This is like "The Room" of video games."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "Pick up the scroll; it'll explain everything."

Alex: "Will it? I suspect it will explain nothing."

Alex picks up the scroll and reads it

Alex *laughing*: "Who takes drugs out of a test tube?"

Cam: "Especially if they're carrying a MAC10?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Cam: "This is like the game Insane Clown Posse would make."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex repeats the start of the game for the third time

Alex: "I am OFFENDED that I'm getting better at this game."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "Wh... Why is there a sub-ocean?!"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "I just do not know whether to shit or go blind."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: *picks up scripture* "Neat. I've got Corinthians apparently. Is Corinthians good?"

Graham: "I think you should look at getting them removed. I think Maya had Corinthians once."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "Can you get the door?"

Alex: "Is that a door? Is anything real? Am I real?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "OK, let's try and break the brown cube that materialized over the lava gate."

Graham: "You say that like it's going to be so hard."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• "STAND AGAINST THE DEVIL!" (stage music)

Alex: WE TRIED STANDING AGAINST THE DEVIL, IT DIDN'T WORK!

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Cam: "The only thing I can take away from this game is that there is no God."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "Hey! We've got a compass!"

Cam: "That goes from zero to North..."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

Killing Floor

• Alex: "You can't just scream like that for no reason!"

Killing Floor

• Alex: "Really? KFC chips are salty? In other news, the sky is blue."

Killing Floor

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "♫Ride into the YOLO Zone.♫" (to the tune of "Danger Zone")

Cam: "I hate you so much."

Alex: "I'm sorry."

Cam: "I don't think that's true."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Cam: "What was on the other side of that door?"

Alex: "What do you mean 'was'?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex looting a bad guy after taking him down with a lot of ammo used

Alex: "This guy does not have the bullets I need."

Cam: "Well, he has one of them, at least."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex finishes clearing out a bandit encampment

Cam: "How many Russians have you murdered today?"

Alex: "None! They're all Ukrainian."

Cam: Oh. Well, that's all right then."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Graham (off-camera): "Can you be straight murdered a little more quietly?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex just straight up drinks two CASES of vodka. POV goes full QWOP

Alex: "Boy, are we ever drunk."

Cam: "It's like I'm at PAX again."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex respawns for around the fifth time in the same section

Alex: "Get fucked!"

Alex tosses a grenade into the next room

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: *deadpan* "Screw you, rebar."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Sidorovich (NPC): "You got the loot?"

Alex: "Is.. is.. is that a... that a sex thing?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "HO! They are really rushin'. RushING. They're not Rus... Well, they probably actually are Russian."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Speaker: shouting an automated message in Russian

Alex: "Did he say he wanted a pizza?"

Speaker: (later) shouting same message

Alex: "He does want a pizza!"

Speaker: (later) shouting same message

Alex: *annoyed* "You can't have a pizza."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex dies for around the sixth time in the same section

Alex: "That was the game's way of punishing us for abandoning 'stoppin' powah'"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Beej: "Chat's giving you shit for passing the P90."

Alex: "Shut up. You're not better than me."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Was that a Beyond Thunderdome reference?!"

Beej: "Yep."

Alex: "I don't know if I'm more offended that you made that reference or that I got it."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Beej: "You know what a catheter is?"

Alex: "Beej, this is my stream. I don't want to hear about your stream."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Beej: "You have no idea how happy you can be to be able to pee again."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Why is there just a pelvis? ... Like, did that guy just poop his pelvis out? That's pretty upsetting."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "That uh, for those of you who've never seen one before, is a *zombie appears* nneeenurk burnurfnurgle"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Serge, your plan isn't working. Serge! Your plan is completely murdering me!"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Serge: "What? You're covered in cat too? What is wrong with you people?"

Graham (off-camera): "Have you seen my cat? That's why I'm covered in fur."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Serge: "Why are there tentacles in our chest?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Apparently, our blind spot is directly in front of us. That's not good."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Serge: "Grenades solve everything."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Welcome to S.T.A.L.K.E.R.! Is that a rock?!"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "It's some sort of weird mystery gun."

Serge: "Does it take bullets?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: *scared by monster* "Hold me, Serge."

Serge: "You're covered in cat, or else I would."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

Payday 2: The Heist

• Alex: "Apparently, I loaded my gun with chewing gum this morning."

Payday 2: The Heist

• AeroCmdr: "I'm throwing a grenade."

Alex: "Where, where are you throwing a grenade? That's relevant information."

Payday 2: The Heist

• Shielded police appears from around the corner

Alex: "Oh no! What a bad time to have a" *gets shot down* "erburgermorglefurdle..."

Payday 2: The Heist

• Alex: "Oh, shit a dick nose!"

AeroCmdr: "Shit a dick nose?"

Alex: "Yes. Did I stutter or something?"

Payday 2: The Heist

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "You can't eat pelvises in this mod? Immersion ruined!"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "Did that helicopter just throw bones at us?"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "At the risk of crashing the game..."

Activates bullet time

Game crashes

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "I think there's another sniper...♫"

Dies

Alex: ಠ_ಠ

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Tosses Antlion Guard up on to platform, where it mauls a Combine soldier

Alex: DEAL WITH IT!

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Charges weapon

Alex: "KA-ME-HA-MEopps"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "I'll eat your invisible meat!"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Shoots a chair at an enemy

Alex: "We've decided to appoint you the chair."/"Have a seat."

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "No, no, we'll do this properly."

Pulls out shovel and destroys everything in sight

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex turns a corner and a fast zombie charges at him

Alex: "Fuck yo' couch!"

Launches couch at zombie

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Rebel: "We're looking to join you Dr. Freeman."

Alex: throws exploding banana at her

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Destroys wardrobe with shovel

Alex: "Take this, Aslan!"

Half Life 2: SMOD

Dishonored

• Emily goes to play Hide and Seek

Alex jumps off the bridge

Alex: "Haha! Broke my legs! I'm good at this game."

Dishonored

• Alex: *after singing a silly song and not coming up with lyrics to end it* "I don't really have an exit strategy for this song."

Dishonored

• *after twice shooting a guard with a tranquilizer dart only to find him in a pool of blood*

Alex: "Did he fall on his sword? Or is this guy just a hemophiliac?!"

Dishonored

• Alex: "If Deadpool was committed to not killing people, that's Good Guy Corvo."

Dishonored

• Piero: "Can I be of service to you?"

Alex: "Yes. You could be less creepy."

Dishonored

• *finds grapes in sewer water*

Alex: "Sweet! Free grapes!"

*gags as he eats them*

Alex: "Oh those taste real good."

Dishonored

• Alex: "Good Guy Corvo apologizes."

Dishonored

• Alex: "What the shit?! Why did he explode?!"

Dishonored

Dementium 2: HD

• *after failing to get the controls in the game to work, Alex can't get the game to quit either*

Alex: "Today on IDDQDerp: Alex doesn't play a game."

Dementium 2: HD

• Alex: "I'm being attacked by the cover of a metal album!"

Dementium 2: HD

• *after not knowing what he was doing, the boss monster died*

Alex: "I won... apparently..."

Dementium 2: HD

• Alex: "How am I supposed to attack a cloud of flies with a sledgehammer?"

Dementium 2: HD

• Alex: *referring to bad ghosts* "You guys are putting me to sleep! I find scarier things in the toilet in the morning."

Dementium 2: HD

• Graham: "The chairs have clipping. The tables do not."

Dementium 2: HD

• *after entering a cave that has buildings in it*

Alex: "Where the shit are we now? Are we in crap-tier NORAD?"

Dementium 2: HD

• *after yet another Chestmaw rises out of floor to try and bar his progress, Alex raises a sledgehammer*

Alex: "Whatever, I'm gonna smash your no-shadow-casting ass."

Dementium 2: HD

• Alex: "Are you kidding me? I lost my super-weapon because I threw it through a door."

Dementium 2: HD

• Graham: *describing an enemy's sound* "It sounds like someone's gargling, then getting hit in the balls."

Dementium 2: HD

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "What the fuck is a gabble-wing?"

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "Right. Now where was I, before I was so rudely interrupted by people doing their fucking job?"

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "Is that a jar of raven?"

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "Is this seriously a brothel? It's got a bat dispenser."

Thief (2014)

• *NPCs arguing with each other while the rug is burning*

Alex: "Shit's on fire, yo!"

Thief (2014)

Teslagrad

Alex: "♫ Just gonna fist all of the pillbugs. ♫"

Teslagrad

Alex: "♫ Don't take that out of context. ♫"

Teslagrad

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I don't know what this is, but I'm going to blow it up! It looks important!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Try my bullet sauce!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I think I got killed by a punk band."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: *enemy explodes a guy using a laser whip* "Cool! I want it!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: *zaps dying teammate with laser whip* "LIVE!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Come here! I want to tell you story about bullet! Here is sequel! It's about more bullet! Did you like it?"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: *sliding down a water-slide* "We're having a good time! No, we're drowning..."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Gonna shoot you in the dick! That was not your dick; it was your thigh. That was your leg."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Just stop having momentum..."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Why are you made out of Cheetos?"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I am Morgan Freeman and I am going up your ass."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Elysium? Where's Matt Damon? I want him to explain this shit."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I look at this game and think SMOD and Quake had a love child, and then it had an abusive foster parent."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "They were robots! I saw them! They were full of mayonnaise!"

Bulletstorm

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

• Alex: *unloading an entire clip into an enemy* "I'm so sorry!"

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

• Alex: *unloading an entire clip into an enemy* "Sorry! You looked like a Nazi!"

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

• Alex: *enters new airship* "This one's full of nuclear-tomics."

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

• Alex: *mind-controls the Nazi-esque penguin* "Guten Tag!" *shoots the other enemies*

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

• Alex: "Try my air juggle!"

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

Remember Me

• Alex: "I am just a photon torpedo."

Remember Me

• Alex: "♫ I'm gonna take... a thousand years... to walk down this hallway... to piss you all off! ♫"

Remember Me

• Alex: "Whoa! There's another cyber-groin-lady-ninja!"

Remember Me

• Alex: "I can't hear you over this John Williams!"

Remember Me

• Alex: *reading graffiti* "'You are what you remember.' Then I'm fucked!"

Remember Me

• Alex: *memory overloading enemy* "Hope you like infomercials... Here's ALL OF THEM!"

Remember Me

• Alex: "We have to climb Notre Dame Cathedral? Sick!"

Remember Me

• Alex: *gets many Biohazard warnings* "Danger: Everything"

Remember Me

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "Is this a thing? Can I thing this?"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "Adobe After-Effects is after us again! Shit!"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "I am Rag-Bra, the Barbarian!"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex (in chat, while the stream was down):

"well in the mean time we bring you silent hill text version"

"James Sunderland was really sad in the house"

"He got his pipe and fought a monster"

"bad end"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: *running away from witch* "DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK!"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "It's a dead black Klansman..."

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "But I don't want Jello children!"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "You are entirely too moist..."

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: *Murphy makes the weakest jump imaginable* "How fucking white is this guy?"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Susie: "He's a puppy! A large, gangly, eat-your-face puppy!"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: "Why is there an office in the safe?"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: *after nailing Jesus to a crucifix* "I had a nail gun and He was there! What was I supposed to do?"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Charlotte: "That dude's got a knife."

*enemy gets crushed by a door*

Susie: "Now he's got a dead."

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: *fighting the last boss* "We're gonna pull the plug, Grandpa! We need that inheritance to get the fuck outta Silent Hill!"

Silent Hill: Downpour

• Alex: *quoting the music lyrics* "'Consume the darkness in my mind'?"

Susie: "You don't want to do that. You could get kuru."

Silent Hill: Downpour

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Alex: "I can just flip people off whenever I want?"

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Alex: *after getting his current car shot up, on fire, and rolling it over several times, he finds a new car*"Is this a better car? Oh, this one isn't busted!"

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Alex: "'Secure area of hostiles'? That's like the whole island!"

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Alex: *laughing* "I need to punch the nuclear reactor!"

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Alex: "♫ Slowest elevator in the universe! ♫"

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Alex: "Hang glider? I thought I was going home! How foolish of me."

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Lifeless Planet

• Alex walks under some barbed wire

Alex: "Your security features are" *deadly plant appears* "wargarble!"

Lifeless Planet

• Alex: *misses a jump and falls to death* "YOLOFUCKSHITASS!"

Lifeless Planet

Alice: Madness Returns

• Alex: "Be cool-- BE COOL! All of this would have been avoided if you'd just been cool!"

Alice: Madness Returns

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

• Alex: "Oh my god! The energy drink is called CRUNK!"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

• Alex (reloading while being shot at): "Get into the gun, bullets!"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

• Alex: "Now, where are we being shot from?"

Graham (whispers): "Everywhere..."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

• Alex: "Senpai, I'm so full of bullets now."

Graham: "..."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

Kerbal Space Program

• Graham: Hey Ray, look at this rocket we're building.

*pause*

Ray (off-camera): Oh my god.

Kerbal Space Program

Besiege

• Alex: "We're abusing it pretty relentlessly."

Cam: "Isn't that what it's for?"

Besiege

• Graham (upon seeing the final version of "Even Worse Ideas"): "Oh my god. You listened to James, you monster."

Besiege

The Book of Passwords

Metal Gear 2

• Graham: "Capture card? Capture card!"

Metal Gear 2

• Jer: "The cheetah has lost to a snake?"

Graham: "Well, if the cheetah runs into a mine..."

Metal Gear 2

• Graham: "When you get to Big Boss, can you ask him why he has random children just littering his facility?"

Jer: "There was talk of war orphans at some point..."

Graham: "It's pronounced 'Warphans'."

Metal Gear 2

Marathon

• Ian to Jer: "I am very sorry for fisting you as hard as I can."

Marathon

• Jer: "I want to find out what this is." *turns corner* "It's a barrel."

Marathon

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "That bat has a sword. Why is that bat carrying a sword?"

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "You can Moonwalk? You... can... Moonwalk?"

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "Dracula's got harpies in his clock tower for like his whole friggin' whole life. 'I'm sorry, buddy. You've got harpies. Real bad case up in your clock tower.'"

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "Jer, I will tell you when you have big balls."

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Jer: "I'm sorry. I cannot talk and speak at the same time."

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

Strider

• Alex: "Why do you collect a guy?"

Strider

• Jer: "Why are they carrying a bus?"

Strider

Diablo

• Paul: "A sign. You want me to fight deamons for A sign."

Slightly later:

Paul: "It's a sign! Make a new one!"

Diablo

Jet Grind Radio

• Jer: "Don't take that police officer to the bathroom, Ash. That's really creepy."

Jet Grind Radio

• Jer: "A train is going through you, at this second."

Jet Grind Radio

• Ash: "Getting hit by buses: super-bad for your health."

Jet Grind Radio

Kirby's Dreamland

• Tally: "We're underground! How are there coconuts?!"

Kirby's Dreamland

• Tally: "You can't kill those guys... because lame."

Kirby's Dreamland

• Tally: "Kitty-faced bastard!"

Kirby's Dreamland

Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara

• Tally: "We killed a dragon. This is such a wonderful bonding moment. Every marriage should have more dragon slaying in it."

Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara

I, Horner

Shenmue

• *Ian fighting sailors*

Ian: "Nope, wrong button."

*crashes into the bar*

Shenmue

• Ryo (in game): "He used a style I've never seen."

Cori: "He just kept punching me over and over."

Ian: "The ancient art of 'stop hitting yourself'."

Shenmue

• *Ian comes across a scroll titled 'Mud Spider'*

Ian: "I'm pretty sure that's racist."

Shenmue

• *While trying to dial a phone number*

Ian: "Whoever is yelling out numbers in the main room, please stop."

Shenmue

• *Upon discovering the shrine cat is missing*

Alex: "I swear to God, if this cat doesn't come back I am burning this office to the ground"

Ian: "Cori, get on FAQ duty; we need to find out where this cat is."

Shenmue

• Ian (looking for a travel agency): "This seems like the place."

*stops in front of boarded-up shop*

Shenmue

Kathleen Saves the World

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Alex: Hey, I heard you were playing Atlus games, so I brought some neckbeard.

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "EFF! EFF! EFF!"

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "Get fucked Dante! [...] What a shitbag."

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "Thanks for destroying the world, ass-hat!"

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: *sweetly* "Awwww... Thank you... Go fuck yourself."

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "I'm so mad. My face hurts from snarling."

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

South Park: The Stick of Truth

• Graham: "Oh hey, you're friends with Jesus."

Kathleen: "Turns out Jesus is really easy to be friends with."

Graham: "I should hope so."

South Park: The Stick of Truth

Final Fantasy X HD

• Kathleen: "Alright, time for feels. Then it's time for Yuna to smash this guy's dick in."

Final Fantasy X HD

Final Fantasy X 2 HD

• Kathleen: "Fuck your onions."

Final Fantasy X 2 HD

A Swiftly Tilting Cameron

Main Article: A Swiftly Tilting Cameron

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Would you look at that mustache? That must be the most handsome man in XCOM."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "$1? Come on! Who wants to buy a bullet-ridden corpse? We took out the important bits and replaced them with holes!" Video

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Pardonfuck?"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Here, I've got something I need you to hold; it's called 'lots of bullets'." Video

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "♫Napalm sticks to little children; all the children of the world♫"

(to the tune of "Jesus Loves the Little Children") Video

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I'm sure the inquiry will say he was killed by Martians."

After accidentally killing a civilian Video

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "That was a reasonably good turn." *takes a drink of his beverage*

As he's saying this, a Chrysalid he thought was dead bursts through the door

Cam: *nearly chokes on drink* "Hi!"

Chrysalid chows down on Bill DaCat

Cam: "Awww... You were important." Video

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "We died as we lived; making the wrong choice."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Put on your damn helmet, rookie!"

XCOM: Enemy Within (repeatedly)

• Cam: "Even though it's in Edmonton"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "♫I don't want to set your van on fire... I just want start a flame in your *PSHEW!*♫"

(to the tune of "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire")

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "You: Please replace that man's internal organs with holes." *fires* "Thank you."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "The Moonbase is mine now."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I hate you all and wish you were dead. Luckily, I'll get my wish."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I found a pie in the fridge, and I'm gonna eat it, and deal with the consequences. But, I need pie right now."

After stealing pie from the Moonbase fridge during a particularly bad stream of XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I have seriously chewed through every woman who watches this show."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Please report to Doctor Vahlen to have your legs amputated."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Alex: "What's that green thing? Is that a man?"

Cam: "Um..."

Alex: "Was it a man?"

Cam: "Don't worry about it."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "We're almost definitely going to be tripping a group up here soon."

Alex: "Wait? The pigeons?"

Cam: "No, the pigeons are just hanging out."

Alex: "I bet they're aliens."

Cam: "Don't you hate on pigeons! You son of a bitch!"

Alex: "I hate on alien pigeons."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Squaddie Devin Kerr: "Enemy spotted!"

Alex and Cam: "D'oh!"

Alex: "That's a lot of... man-zorrs..."

Cam: "Eh... They'll be fine."

Alex: "... running like purple monkeys inside."

Cam: "..." *smiles* "Odd... OK..."

Alex: "Well..."

Cam: "Um..."

Alex: "They look like purple monkeys."

Cam: *mock offended* "Racist!"

Alex: "That's...!" *throws hands in air* "Sure!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Alex: "I assume you only have one rocket per round. Right?"

Cam: "Yeah."

Alex: "That sucks, but it's reasonable, 'cause rockets don't grow on trees."

Cam: "They definitely do not."

Alex: "I don't think I wanna visit that tree, if there was..."

Cam: "Yeah, no. The Rocket Tree?"

Alex: *laughs*

Cam: "The Rocket Tree is..."

Alex: "Rocketry. Amateur Rocketry. It's like, we're going to pick some today, and you're going to be REEEEEEALLY careful."

Cam: "Agreed."

Alex: "Turns out turn-over in this job is very high... Just like the bloody chunks."

Cam: "Welcome to the Rocketry Orchard!"

(...)

Cam: "The Rocket Tree, with the Farmer Von Braun."

Alex: *laughs*

Cam: "Watch out for Old Man Von Braun."

Alex: *bad German accent* "'Vonce the rockets are up, who cares vhere they come down? That's not my department,' says Wernher Von Braun."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Aww, Dr. Vahlen, did someone take away one of your toys? File a complaint with HR."

After destroying a Meld canister

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Alex: "What's that vortex?"

Cam: "That's where Mexico used to be."

Alex: "Used to be?"

Cam: "Don't worry about it."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I'm glad this version of the Earth is doomed."

Alex: "This doomed world-line."

Cam "Yep. Every saved game that we pave results in the extinction of humans on that world, and by that point, I'm pretty happy. I could just sit here all night paving saved games and thinking: Seven billion, fourteen billion, twenty-one billion..."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "How is everyone this week? Doing well? Alright. Let's get y'all shot."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Six turns? If there's anything left moving on this map in six turns, I'm going to be disappointed."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "That's the third time today she's been strangled. She's basically Cheryl from Archer."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Our only other option is... well. Hm. That was our good option."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I never thought I'd be able to kill this many people in my life. Thank you, everyone."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "You. Rectify your earlier mistake."

Soldier blows sectoid away

Cam: "Adequate."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I want to missile you so hard."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Oh yeah, who's getting real food when we get back to base? (Asterisk.)"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I'd like to think my office would have bookshelves. Pillows. A eunuch with a palm frond. You know, the essentials."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *opens door, tripping a group of sectoids* "Hi! Candygram!" *tosses a grenade*

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "If you want to see the end-game content, there's a really easy way to do that."

Lars: "Play on easy like I did?"

Cam: "...true."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Oh for fucking out loud."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *after getting distracted by amusing rookie names* "Where was I going with this? I was definitely thinking words."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "...giant floppy donkey dicks..."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Oh, a new subscriber! freelance108, welcome to A Swiftly Tilting Cameron, be sure to add your name to the list so I can get you killed."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *after talking about how much he likes the game, a soldier misses a 99% shot* "I fucking hate this game so much."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Lars: *after Rookie Han is the only one left alive* "You got this Han. You could say he's going solo."

Cam: "I will kill you. I will actually kill you."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Attention aliens."

*fires rocket*

Cam: "Get wrecked."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Now, this assault guy should have the ability to..."

*soldier annihilated*

Cam: "Holy shit!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Let's get... Theatrical"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *dismissing low-ranked soldiers in his home game* "Your contribution to Earth's defense has been noted. Thank you, come again."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *After alien leader mentions something about power being in his grasp* "I'll put something in your grasp. No, wait, what?"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Welcome to Urf."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *game crashes during final cut-scene*

Cam: *headdesk*

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *game crashes again, fails to give achievement*

Cam: "Oh for titting fuck shit! Ball chunder!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *game crashes a third time, fails to give achievement*

Cam: "NO, YOU SON OF A... I'll KILL YOU! I! WILL! KILL! YOU!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *final boss keeps reflecting attacks*

Cam: "Dear mother-fucker: Get wrecked."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *Cam tries to skip the final cut-scene*

Cam: "Bypass all the encryptions!"

*Windows home screen appears*

Cam: "No, not like that!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam (shakily, after the third CTD): "I didn't think they really meant impossible when they said 'Impossible.'"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Looking down the bore of a shotgun is like looking into the keyhole of the bathroom of God."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Rookie (after missing a shot): "That's a load of bull!"

Cam: "I agree! We'll discuss it on your performance review."

Jo: "He won't make it that long."

Cam: "Oh he might. Depends how much he believes in blood clotting."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Jo: "Why does it sound like there are firetrucks approaching?"

Cam: "Oh, that's the music."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Cam (playing on the highway map): "Get in a car and run them over. Just back over them. Do something."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Cam: "We can do this."

*beat*

Cam: "We cannot actually do this. We will reap only ruin."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Cam: "Amythist, don't be ridiculous; no one comes to retrieve the bodies. That would be dangerous."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Cam: "Everything's fine. We're fine."

*two countries panic*

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Cam: "Please report to Dr. Vahlen to have your head sawn off."

XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)

• Cam: "Dr. Vahlen's going to be very mad with me for letting you live. She wanted that alien's iPhone."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "When I say 'hunker down', I do not mean 'duck your head down'; just because you can't see them doesn't mean they can't see you. I shouldn't have to explain this to a nominally sapient human being."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Any asshole can play the Sims and say 'Oh, I took away the doors, and now they pee themselves to death'. It takes an artist to create a supervillain sim."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *soldier panics*

Cam: "The correct solution in this situation is to shoot one of your friends in the back of the h- *soldier kills alien* ...what?"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "You know what? I'm just sick of your shit." *orders soldier to throw grenade at enemy*

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Zulu, I'm going to need you to take a dump right into that man's soul."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Well, we seem to have destroyed our cover. That's awkward."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *after a completing a mission where a rookie performed admirably* "Now, what's obviously going to happen is you'll get promoted to a sniper and never get used again."

*soldier gets promoted and assigned the sniper class*

Cam: -_- "I actually called that."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Soldier: "Missed the target."

Cam. "I *know* you missed."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "We lost one member of our squad, but that doesn't mean there will be an empty bunk back home."

*soldier fails to stun Sectoid Commander*

Cam: "Fuck you."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Daddy drinks because you suck."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *mech trooper fires during grenade launcher intro animation*

Cam: "Where did you fire that!?"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *after the stream ended*

Loadingreadyrun (in chat): HA HA FUNNY STORY EVERYONE

Loadingreadyrun (in chat): WE DIDN'T SAVE

XCOM: Enemy Within

Thief: The Dark Project

• Cam: *after failing to get the hardware driver to work* "Looks like we're going to Pixel Town."

Thief: The Dark Project

• *Cam turns a corner and runs straight into two guards*

Cam: "...bother."

Thief: The Dark Project

• Cam: "Hold still, I'm trying to sock you!"

Thief: The Dark Project

• Cam: *after fiddling with the display settings* "Randomly mashing buttons has an effect! I feel like I'm on Star Trek!"

Thief: The Dark Project

• *only humorous retroactively*

Alex: "Dark Souls? One of us needs to play that game."

Cam: "Do we?"

Alex: "Well 'need' I use tentatively..."

Thief: The Dark Project

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Aww, did your stupid crap get wrecked?"

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Aww...our ships."

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Oh, they've got tanks! I love watching tanks explode!"

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Bye! I accidentally your entire colony."

Master of Orion 2

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: *after rival civilization achieves classical era* "Shit. We're going to lose."

Lars: "Wait, really?"

Cam: "Oh, we're playing Emperor. We were never going to win."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "Chat, there is absolutely no circumstance under which you could get me to take my shirt off."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: *surprising a barbarian* "Did you guys forget about Dre? It's not recommended that you forget about Dre."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "'Our people desire freedom?' That's inconvenient for us."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: *looking at new tech options shortly after a battleship battle* "Wait. We haven't developed ballistics yet? What have we been shooting?"

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: *Diplomatic Victory Screen appears* "No! No... *sad tone* We brought world peace..."

(...)

Cam: "I accidentally destroyed a world of conflict and brought forth an age of peace... Shit!"

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "Keep firing, assholes!"

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "This is preposterous."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• *Graham walks in and holds phone playing Super Mario Bros. 2 theme up to microphone, then leaves*

Cam: "Graham Stark, ladies and gentlemen."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "And lo, on that day we founded Atheism. With its tithe representing the bitcoins we mine, and feed the world representing the pizza places that turned away our bitcoins."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "Muskets vs riflemen? You gotta twist that!"

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "Remind me to reactivate that guy in three turns."

Lars: "Reactivate that guy in three turns."

Cam: "I will hurt you."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "Bye, Graham. Have fun at GP Portland. Bring me back someone's ear."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• *After a discussion in chat on what a "Yandere" is*

Julie: "I don't wanna kill you, sweetie."

Cam: "Yaaaay!"

Julie: "I just wanna cuddle you and squeeze you so hard you pop."

Cam: "...yaaaay."

Civilization V: Brave New World

Dark Souls

• Cam (while drinking Estus): "Scuse me gotta get a gatorade."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "Brawndo. It's got what undead crave."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "Just chug a fetus."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "I'm just gonna roll around till my stam' gets drained and get stabbed a bunch , 'kay?"

Dark Souls

• Cam *after Lars repeatedly threatens to press space*: "I swear to God Lars, your mother should have eaten you while your bones were still soft."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "Get. Fucked. Torch thing. Nobody likes you."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "Alright Solaire, you just tank him for a bit, and I'll tunnel through to his internal organs."

*Knight Solaire has been vanquished*

Cam: Uh oh!"

Dark Souls

• *Upon defeating the Gaping Dragon after umpteen tries*

Cam: "Alright. Simple enough."

Dark Souls

• *Dives off the edge trying to dodge poop troll*

Cam: "BYE!"

Dark Souls

• Graham: "I see you've met the mosquitoes."

Cam: "Fuck this game. It was stuck on me; I was inside it."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "I feel funny, Quelaag-chan."

Alex: *loses it*

Dark Souls

• Cam: "No one is going home until this thing is dead."

Dark Souls

• Cam: "Now, where's this chucklefuck?"

*javelin embeds itself in stone next to Cam*

Cam: O_O

Dark Souls

• Cam (repeatedly): "ING!ING!ING!ING!"

Dark Souls

• Cam (repeatedly): "Camera, please."

Dark Souls

World of Warcraft: Cataclysm

• Cam: "How do you kill green mobs like that? Easy, you just don't lead 'em as much."

World of Warcraft: Cataclysm

Valkyria Chronicles

• *After a tank emerges from being submerged in a river*

Lars: "So, let's just back this up for a moment and talk about how an internal *combustion* engine works."

Valkyria Chronicles

Bloodborne

• Cam (in combat): "Have you considered fucking right the hell off?"

Bloodborne

• Julie: "Hit it in the butt!"

Cam: "I'm trying, woman!"

Bloodborne

• Julie: "It has an anus."

Cam: "It *had* an anus."

Bloodborne

• Cam (in combat): "I ain't got time for your shit, son."

Bloodborne

Video Games with Video James

Minecraft

• James: *checking stream on the phone to check video quality* "Oh my God, move, me from the past!"

Minecraft

• James: "Oh shit, there's a whole tree over there! Oh, wait. That's my tree. DURR!"

Minecraft

• James: "Hey, we got it! Oh, no we didn't. That was death."

Minecraft

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• James: "How do I shield? How do I shield? Does anyone know how to shield?"

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• James: "P.S. You can do magic now."

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• NPC: "Welcome to Gorhart!"

James: "Nobody cares."

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• James: "You will know my name because wherever I go, there will be dead chickens in my path."

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

LRRMTG

• Graham: "Kathleen's at the gym, but she's coming back when she's done on the elliptical... which is just her reading The Economist."

Magic: the Gathering Online

• Nirvana: "What does our deck even do?"

Graham: *contemplating many cuts* "It kills people... It kills people really good."

Magic: the Gathering Online

• Cam: *in response to a troll claiming he said yeah too often* "Yeah..."

Magic the Gathering Online

• Graham: "I can't believe you guys are creating fanfic featuring relationships between our chatroom moderation bot and our air conditioner."

*pause*

Graham: "I love you guys."

Magic the Gathering Online

• Graham: *in response to Kathleen trying to give him affection on-stream* "No... Not in front of the chat..."

Magic: the Gathering Online

• Magic the Gathering stream starts, Cam introduces it, explaining where Graham, Kathleen, and James are*

Cam: *looks around* "Wait, do you guys hear something?"

*turns around, rips green screen fabric off something in the back, revealing Alex behind him*

Magic the Gathering Online

House of Stark

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "You just straight up killed the president, you DINK!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Friend balloon! Nooo!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Because God forbid I move A CHAIR."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Who keeps giving you a shotgun?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham shooting Rasklapanjes in a toilet

Graham: "Alright, I am never going to the toilet in China, ever again."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "If a person gets hit by a bus, the bus is winning."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "It's a good thing we're on the express; you don't find this much ammo on the local."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham facepalms

Graham: "When did this become a Rom-Com?"

Resident Evil 6

• Maya: "He's eating them and making himself stronger! Because zombies are additive!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "That's what you're going to say, 'He just doesn't quit', as opposed to 'WHAT THE MOTHERING SHIT WAS THAT?!'"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Ha! Screw your bonsai tree!"

Maya: "I spent so many years growing that tree!"

Graham:" Yeah? Well, now an American is here to save from it."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "That is no longer Marco, that is a swarm of- what in the hell?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Only the finest Dim-Sum restaurants serve grenade launcher ammo with the meal."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Dix, I know this isn't your branch of the military, but do aircraft carriers usually have vats of lava?"

Dix (in chat): "UH WHAT"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Chris Vs. Leon! Who will win? Nobody cares."

Resident Evil 6

• Recurring:

Graham: "SHOOT {Him/Her}!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Why aren't they talking in Chinese? Why are they using racist movie Chinese?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: *pushes enemy over rail* "Have a nice trip... See you next... eat my ass."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Oh no! I hate the testicle wasps!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "I mean come back, I guess? I don't really wish to associate with you further, but I think that's part of my mission."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Chris, level with me: how much have you had to drink today? Seriously?"

Resident Evil 6

• As a three-story zombie appears

Graham: "Uhm... question. Ya'll see that, right? I haven't had too much peanut sauce?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Hey; just cuz you've got your memory back doesn't make you the boss of me!" [pause] "That you are the Captain of this squad technically makes you the boss of me, but I still don't have to like it!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "J'avooooo...come out to plaaaaaayyyyy..."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Bruce Willis is, Jake Kickpunch in, 'Die Hard: Live Free, or Fuck Off'"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: *sees an icon on a corpse* "Can I vault that?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: *shoots zombies off a ladder one by one* "This is my new favorite thing!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "I don't like these guys. They're weird and... weird."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Oh! It's a cutscene. We're fine."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "35... money... for this textured pile?! Amazing!"

(later)

Graham: "35 money is an amount! These are on sale for 15!"

Resident Evil 6

• *Graham sniping zombies*

Graham: "Hey lady."

*gunshot*

Graham: "Hey dude."

*gunshot*

Graham: "Hey other lady."

*gunshot*

Resident Evil 6

• While fighting T-Rex!Simmons in a helicopter

Graham: "Oh hey Dix. Again, not your branch of the military, but d'you have any idea how much ordnance a helicopter like this usually carries?"

Dix: (in chat) "Absolutely no idea. Get back to me in like 2 years after I drop a Helicopter flight officer packet."

Resident Evil 6

• Fighting Simmons

Simmons: "Every last piece of you belongs to me!"

Graham: "What, all of it? Including the taint? And the back of the knee?"

Resident Evil 6

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Demon fliers: They can get fucked."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Arizona: There ain't shit."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *watching evil double wrap hand* "Is he making land-line knuckles? The worst garrote in the world? What is going on? He is making land-line knuckles... Why do we have to do this over Skype?"

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in "Dark" voice, in response to an on-screen command* "Tell me about the signal."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Okay, what do you want me to put in you: spiders or the D? Because I'm super not okay with one of them, and I probably shouldn't do the other one either."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Ha! Oh... I thought I had a different gun equipped. But it still worked out well, so my 'Ha!' still stands."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Everything's fine. We're just caught in a time loop."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Alan Wake. The man who came to kick ass and chew bubblegum and found himself, unfortunately, entirely out of gum."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Wow, he just walked through that cactus like he did not care about his genitals."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Kathleen: "Is his long term plan to kill Alan through Vitamin D deficiency?"

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: "What light is this?! What is lighting me?! I want to kill it!"

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *lifts prisoner out of cage* "Yoink!"

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *to chopper* "Do NOT land on my prisoners!"

*chopper slowly descends above prisoners* "Don't do it."

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *accidentally runs over a guy with the truck, alerting everyone* "Shit!"

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *driving a tank, in a silly, ironic voice* "I'm being stealthy! Hello!" *fires tank's gun*

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *mockingly* "We're engaged with an enemy force. We're getting married in the spring."

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: "I think I just crushed a rat by diving on it."

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

Goat Simulator

• Graham: "I can't disengage the blowhole!"

Goat Simulator

• Alex: *as the all-traits-but-robot goat flails horrifyingly into the sky* "Godspeed, young cosmogoat."

Goat Simulator

• Alex: *walks into in-game version of developer's studio with the all-traits-but-robot goat* "Mother! I have come for you! Why did you make me!?"

Goat Simulator

• Kathleen: "They're still having their picnic."

Graham: "Not for long!" *dumps giant goat on picnic table*

Goat Simulator

Dark Souls

Hellkite Dragon lands directly in Graham's path, then flies off

• Alex: "Oh... hello."
• Graham: "Mmm... mm-hm... mmmm-hm. Alright then, it's been fun." [About faces and runs back the way he came]
• Alex: "You just go home... wherever home is. Turns out it's at the bottom of a well."

Dark Souls

• Graham: "This looks suspicious..."

dragon appears

Alex: "BWAWK!"

Dark Souls

• Graham: "Who put a boar in armour, and how!?"

Dark Souls

• Graham: "How do I use this?"

Alex: "You have to speak to an NPC that doesn't talk to you."

Dark Souls

• Graham: "I'm going that way anyway, but this way, I don't have to fight DogBall again."

Dark Souls

• Alex: *after enemy rolls backwards off platform* "Did he just YOLO-cide?"

Dark Souls

• Graham: "What's this way?"

Alex: "I don't remember... Oh wait, I do remember..."

Graham: "Is it death?"

Alex: "Think about that question."

Dark Souls

• Graham: "Let's go back up to... up."

Dark Souls

• Graham: "Why is there a dead guy over here? Wait, Graham. You've played Resident Evil. Why would you think he was dead? He's not dead at all! He's big and scary!"

Dark Souls

• Graham: *mimicking reproaching voice* "Graham, there were only five salamanders in the world, and you've killed the last one."

"But I only killed four!"

*reproaching voice* "One of them was pregnant."

Alex loses it

Dark Souls

• Graham: "How do you fight it?"

Alex: "With fight."

Dark Souls

• Graham: "Wooo! Spring break! I beat it with no pants! I beat it with no pants! I get a cookie!"

Dark Souls

• Graham: "I am going to shit-fling the Capra Demon before the evening is out."

Dark Souls

Viscera Detail

• Graham: "You guys are going to have a brand-new facility by the time I'm done."

*accidentally sets wall on fire*

Graham: "Uh oh."

Viscera Detail

• *Slosh-o-Matic dispenses severed limb instead of bucket*

Graham: "I really wish people would stop leaving legs in the Slosh-o-Matic."

Viscera Detail

• *scanner keeps detecting mess nearby*

Graham:"Where!? Where is dirty!? I've cleaned everywhere! What do you want!?"

Viscera Detail

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• *while running through the holding cells in the police station*

Prostitute: "Sorry babe, can't do it through the bars."

Graham: "That is a lie! I have seen that."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham: "Eat my ass, Pritchard!"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Prostitute: "There's just *something* about a man who's augmented."

Graham: "...and that something is made of metal and carbon fibre."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• *accidentally moves from one piece of cover to the next, interrupting gang conversation*

Gang Member: "Somebody there?"

Graham: "Nope."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Businessman: "I'm sure you have a file on me as thick as you have on Taggart."

Graham: "Oh, I have a thick file alright...wait, I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Citizen (in Mandarin): "I'm busy."

Graham (as Drunk Jensen): "I'm busy too. I don't even speak you language; how did I even understand that?"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham (still as Drunk Jensen): "Why can't I fit through this man-sized hole?"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham: "You don't have to go through the drawers. I just have to go through all the drawers."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Sarif: "We can't afford another punch in the face."

Graham: "...or can we?"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham: [To Alex] "Your cat's poop looks like almonds?"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham: *bursts through door* "Heeeere's Fisty!"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham: "It literally is the Drunk Jensen lightning round!"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Mrphlip (in chat): "I'm *not* adding "shoot them in the tits" to !advice. Just saying that now."

Graham: "Thank you, Mrphlip."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• *Graham looking at the main menu after watching the first ending*

Graham: "New game plus!? *sighs* Oh, were gonna be here a while."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

• Graham: "If you could, you would totally download a baby. Instead of carrying it around for eight months. (Thinks) Or nine months if you don't want a premature baby. Why did I say eight months?"

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Destiny

• Matt: "Oh shit. I have girl guide cookies in my freezer."

Graham: "You son of a bitch!"

Destiny

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

• Graham: "Now, if I could just not fall in a pit."

*immediately falls in pit*

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

Grand Theft Auto V

• Graham: "Calm down, I just need your bike so I can get to my blimp!"

Grand Theft Auto V

• Nightvalien28 (in chat) jokingly suggests holding R2 during a glitched mission

Graham: "Nightvalien, I will put you through a window."

Grand Theft Auto V

Gat Out of Hell

• Graham: "Where did you end up?"

Sean: "In the lava."

Graham: "So, what you're saying is, we don't have an armoured car anymore."

Gat Out of Hell

Let's Nope

Outlast

• Alex: "Where the frick is the frickin' frick that I'm supposed to frick?"

Outlast

• Alex: "Where's the 'bite your own tongue and bleed to death' button? Is it 'K"? No, that didn't work."

Outlast

• Alex: "Eat a shit dick in the Waffle House!"

Outlast

• Graham: *explaining why the stream went down* "I believe the technical term for this is that the program shit its ass inside-out."

Outlast

• Graham: "I expected much worse."

Alex: "Much worse than having your fucking fingers cut off by a toilet knife!?"

Graham: "Toilet scissors, please."

Cam: "Urinal shears."

Outlast

• Graham: "Uh...what? LRRbot subscribed? Skynet, thank you for subscribing!"

Outlast

• Alex hides in a locker

Cam: "Canned meat."

Alex: "Thanks Cam."

Outlast

• Graham: "Alex has gone full poultry. I've never seen Alex go full poultry before."

Outlast

• Graham: "The laundry chute needs three fuses."

Alex: "Three!?"

Kathleen: "Get fucked!"

Alex: "Fffffffffffffff"

Outlast

• Alex: "Spaghet! Wait, wait, wait... He hasn't spaghetted us yet."

Kathleen: "Uh... He's spaghetted you."

Alex: "No, he hasn't."

Kathleen: "Oh, he's running!"

Alex: "The music hasn't started."

Graham: "He's sphagetting right for you."

Alex: "He can spaghett fucked."

Outlast

• *Alex opens door to find an ice tunnel*

Kathleen: "We're in a Bond lair."

Outlast

• *"Crumple Wiltskin" gets owned by the Walrider*

Alex: *raises camera* "Imma YouTube this shit!"

Outlast

• *Alex finds a severed head in a jar*

Graham: *muffled* "I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my least-favorite jar in the Citadel."

Outlast

• *Game displays "New objective: Get out."*

Alex: "What do you mean new objective!?"

Outlast

Among the Sleep

• Alex: "Is there a socket around here? And a butter knife?"

Among the Sleep

• Teddy: "I don't think we're supposed to be here."

Alex: "*You* fucking led me here!"

Among the Sleep

• Alex: "If you think I am crawling around in this spooky-ass house without a full diaper, you are sadly mistaken."

Among the Sleep

• *crawls into a room covered in rusted panels*

Alex: "...aaaaand, Silent Hill."

Among the Sleep

• *distant screaming*

Beej: "That's the sound of children having fun."

Among the Sleep

• Alex: "We died! We're dead! We're 100% dead! We died! We're dead! We died! We're dead!"

Among the Sleep

• Beej: "Why weren't you trying to hide!?"

Alex: "What happened, Beej, was that I freaked out..."

Beej: "Yeah."

Alex: "...and then we died."

Among the Sleep

• Beej: "This game has Occulus support."

Alex: "Fuck! That! In the ear!"

Among the Sleep

• *while Alex hides from the nearby monster*

Alex: "Dick! Shit! Ass! Fuck! Colonoscopy! Barbara Streisand!"

Among the Sleep

• Alex: "Mom, I need you to be straight with me. Did you make a pact with Satan?"

Among the Sleep

Viscera Cleanup Detail

• Beej: "You know what would make this worse?"

*Alex picks up lamp and breaks it*

Alex: "Shit!"

Viscera Cleanup Detail

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Alex: "Why did it have to be mannequins?"

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• *ragdoll flailing against a wall*

Alex: "I need an old priest and a young priest!"

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Alex: "That's a dude."

Serge: "Nah, that's a mannequin."

Alex: "Mannequins don't have idle stances, Serge!"

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Serge: "Wait, there's a pardon-fuck counter?"

Chat (Ritchards): "Serge, we count everything!"

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Alex: "Let me see if I can bury you."

*repeatedly smacks body with shovel*

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• *sounds of thumping and grunting coming from the next room*

Alex: "Wow, they are going to town."

Serge: "It's ok, it sounds consensual."

Alex: -_-

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Serge: "Alex, repeat after me."

Alex: "ASS!"

Serge: "I must not fear."

Alex: "ASS!"

Serge: "Fear is the little death that brings total annihilation."

Alex: "ASS!"

Serge: "I will face my fear."

Alex: "Ass!"

Serge: "I will permit it to pass over me and through me."

Alex: "Ass!"

Serge: "And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path."

Alex: "Ass."

Serge: "And when the fear has gone there will be nothing..."

Alex: "Ass."

Serge: "...only I will remain."

Alex: "...ass."

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• *Rosa notices there's a master key in a door lock*

Alex: "Sweet! Looks like somebody was doing a speedrun and fucked up."

Condemned: Criminal Origins'

• Serge: "Also, what is a waifu?"

Alex: "Uhh..."

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Alex (singing terribly): "All we are saying...is give us a break."

Condemned: Criminal Origins

• Alex: "Fuck you clown! Clown, fuck youuuuuuu!"

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Doorways

• Alex: "Man, the love shack's really gone down hill."

Doorways

• Mia: "That's an odd way to do things. It's like an Ikea torture device."

Doorways

• *flash of woman rotating on torture wheel*

Mia: "Well, that's one way to make hamburgers."

Doorways

• Alex: "I fixed all your stupid torture devices. You'll get my invoice in the mail."

Doorways

Stalker: Call of Pripyat

• *Alex discovers a copy of 'Mein Kampf* in an NPC's inventory

Alex: "What!? Why is that in there!?"

Mia: The *one* night you bring the Jewish girl in.

Stalker: Call of Pripyat

• Alex: "Hey Mia, where's my shotgun?"

Stalker: Call of Pripyat

Afterfall: Insanity

• Graham: "Do those knee-pads come in handy when you're sucking the Colonel's dick!?"

Alex: O_O

NPC: "Hey man, don't shoot the messenger."

Afterfall: Insanity

• Alex: "So, you explained the knee-pads. What are the shoulder pads for?"

Graham: "Shhh..."

Afterfall: Insanity

• Alex: "I swear, if I make a horror game, I will never include a section where you have to turn the power back on."

Graham: "But Alex, how would there be power to the doors?"

Alex: *burps*

Afterfall: Insanity

Five Nights at Freddy's

• *Alex switches to the dining room camera and finds Bonnie has moved there*

Alex: "Fuck everything forever."

Five Nights at Freddy's

• *Alex switches light on, which reveals Bonnie in the hallway*

Alex: "Oh hi!"

*shuts door*

Alex: "Get fucked!"

Five Nights at Freddy's

• Alex: "Like, I know it's coming-" *Freddy jumps out*

Five Nights at Freddy's

• Alex: "I wish... I was playing... Outlast..."

Five Nights at Freddy's

• Alex: "What does the fox say? [...] <BLAERGH!!!>"

Five Nights at Freddy's

• *Alex has just closed both doors with robots at each one*

Alex: "We live here now! We live here now..."

Ash: "And we're good!"

Alex: "We'll just sit here 'til the end of time... The end of time..."

Five Nights at Freddy's

• *Freddy glitch appears on screen*

Alex: "What the fuck?! What in the fuck is that!?"

Ash: "I don't know!"

Alex: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?"

Five Nights at Freddy's

• *Spots the Golden Freddie Poster, then closes the monitor to see Golden Freddie in the control room*

Ash: "Oh, God!"

Alex: "Oh, good, Hi! We're dead... We're dead..."

*Alex backs away and raises his hands in the air, and Freddie gets them*

*The stream screen goes dark and Alex laughs nervously*

Alex: "We just got..."

*Alex wheels back looking shocked*

Alex: "You can't see this, but it just quit the game!"

*Ash laughs*

Alex: "Do we die in real life now?"

Five Nights at Freddy's

• *While waiting for Chica to ambush them, Ash is covering her face.*

Ash: "Ash? BAWK-BAWK-BAWK-BAWK!!!"

*Continues to "BAWK" as Chicka jumps them and Ash screams*

*They both laugh after a moment*

Alex: "We're BAWK-ED!"

Five Nights at Freddy's

Penumbra: Requiem

• Alex: *opens door to check if the coast is clear*

*monster walks past*

Alex: *manic laughter* *shuts door*

Penumbra: Requiem

Clive Barker's Undying

• *while Alex messes around with graphics options on the PC*

Kathleen: "You should save the game before you do this, Alex."

Alex: "That would be a good idea."

*Alex clicks back to game and immediately kills the maid by accident*

Clive Barker's Undying

The Evil Within

• Ian: "This is like a mix between Return of the Jedi and Monty Python."

The Evil Within

• Graham (as disembodied head on side of camera): "I am led to believe you can break boxes in this game. Yeeeess, my disembodied head is pleeeeeased."

The Evil Within

• Ian: "This is Legend of Zelda levels of property damage."

The Evil Within

• Alex: "But how does it cut chain?"

Ian: "It’s a CHAINsaw, Alex. In the same way a woodsaw is for wood, and a bonesaw is for Spider-Man."

The Evil Within

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• James: "We have five minutes to find a bong, then we can 420 blaze it."

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• Alex (trying to stack boxes): "This is the worst Minecraft mod ever."

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• James: "I hate fun. I am the worst."

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• Serge: "Oh, we're playing as a racist. Isn't that nice?"

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• Alex: "This looks like acid." *touches it, gets burned*

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• Alex: "The moral of the story is: WHITE PEOPLE!" *shakes fist angrily*

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Neverending Nightmares

• *Alex come across a pit of moving doll arms, with a narrow plank across it*

Alex: "What the actual ass!?"

Neverending Nightmares

Condemned 2

• Alex: *picks up prosthetic arm* "Now we're armed."

Condemned 2

Spooky's House of Jump Scares

• Alex: Run quickly! Run more quickly! Ahahahahahah!"

Spooky's House of Jump Scares

• Alex: Fuck you, Pumpkin! Eat shit!"

Spooky's House of Jump Scares

• Alex: <incoherent gibberish>

Spooky's House of Jump Scares

• Graham: "Who put their skull in the shoe cupboard?"

Spooky's House of Jump Scares

Exodus from the Earth

• Woman: "I can just imagine the son of a bitch chasing his monkey."

Graham: "Is that a euphemism for something?"

Exodus from the Earth

Watch + Play

Air Control

• Graham: "How did they make this much garbage?"

Alex: "Because they're filthy animals, that's why."

Air Control

• *Game enters 'Flappy Bird' mode*

Alex: "Wha- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Air Control

• *Game enters 'Flappy Bird' mode a second time*

Alex: "You... Fucking... Fuck... Dick... Ass..."

Air Control

• Graham: "Whose brain is that and why is it rolling away from you?"

Air Control

• *Alex wades through a sea of organs*

Graham: "How many people got on this plane!?"

Alex *turns to around to look at the passengers and organs*: "That many."

Air Control

• Alex: "Where the fuck is the ground, Graham!?"

Air Control

• Graham (mimicking an aeroplane annoncement): "In the event of a water landing, the plane will nose lazily into the ocean and come to a full stop."

Air Control

The Hat Man: Shadow Ward

• *Alex picks up a book, causing the game to shift into "horror game" mode*

Alex: "Shit, I turned on Silent Hill. Ah...where's the 'turn off Silent Hill' button?"

The Hat Man: Shadow Ward

• Graham: "And now, Alex Steacy will review this video game, through a mouthful of strudel."

Alex: "Oh my god. Can that be a thing on this channel, please?"

The Hat Man: Shadow Ward

Goat Simulator

• Alex: "There's one last thing I have to do."

*Graham notices Alex dragging a car towards the Scrambler*

Graham: "HOLY SHIT! NO!"

Alex: "Yesssss..."

Goat Simulator

Alpha Zylon

• *Alex dies to a hidden trap*

Alex: "So, this is Dark Souls."

Alpha Zylon

• *hostages speaking gibberish*

Alex: "They're speaking racist."

Alpha Zylon

• Graham: "PLEASE_ugbhfnghblhrbn has just subscribed!"

Alpha Zylon

A New Reckoning

• Alex: "My patch notes for this game will be: turn the spider faucet off."

A New Reckoning

• Alex: "This is what we call a fuck of spiders."

A New Reckoning

• Kathleen: "So, what is the plot for this game?"

*Graham and Alex crack up laughing*

A New Reckoning

4PM

• Graham: "So Alex, how do you feel about a psychological thriller?"

Alex: "Uh oh."

4PM

• Graham: "This is a game that is so far up its own ass, it's coming out its mouth."

4PM

The You Testament

• Graham: "Dude, it's you and Muhammed!? You are so fucked!"

The You Testament

• *Alex accidentally switches the game to wireframe mode*

Alex and Graham: "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The You Testament

• Graham (reading chat): "Wait, in the game, you can impregnate women through hugs?"

Alex: "Yeah. That's how it works, right?"

Graham: "...yes. That is how that works."

The You Testament

The Zoo Race

• *Cam walks in, sees Alex's character stuck in the air*

Cam: "What have you done?"

The Zoo Race

• Graham (trying to calm down from laughing): "I am in a considerable amount of distress."

The Zoo Race

• Alex: "I overshot the finish line and fell off the world!"

The Zoo Race

• Graham: "This is like the worst Disneyland ride ever!"

The Zoo Race

Real Horror Stories

• *shadow dashes across the screen for the fifth time*

Graham: "Who *is* that asshole?"

Real Horror Stories

Executive Towers

• Alex, commenting on the NPC animations: "I've heard stories about what it's like to be on drain opener, but I've never seen it."

Executive Towers

Twin Sectors

• Alex throws burning gas bottle at a door, blowing it open"

Oscar: "You made a good call on that door, Nine."

Graham: "No you didn't!"

Twin Sectors

Meeuuw

• Graham: I don't know why this game exists.

Alex: I don't care why this game exists. It's marvellous.

Meeuuw

• Graham: "If seagulls could breathe fire, they would be utter bastards."

Meeuuw

Crossing the Streams

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Alex: *while being pursued by a pack of Creepers* "Oh shit. Double shit. A thousand shit."

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Graham: "I'm just going to-" *walks into lava* "...oh."

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• *explosion*

Alex (off-camera): *screams*

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Graham: "AnimusFallen has just- OH GOD THERE'S SILVERFISH EVERYWHERE!"

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Graham: "I FOUND THE WOOL! IT'S THROUGH A ROOM OF NOTHING BUT DEATH!"

Minecraft: Super Hostile

Dokapon Kingdom

• Heather: "Is that sexy to you?"

Cam: "It's awfully low res. I generally prefer my women a bit higher res."

Dokapon Kingdom

• Cam: "Where's my hat? Where's my fucking hat!? I went to Hell, and came back with a beard."

Dokapon Kingdom

• *Cam comes back in after Cori accidentally makes the Money Trickster betray Cam and steal his money*

Cam: "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

*later*

Cam: "You're all laughing at me now, but you have no idea where I just peed."

Dokapon Kingdom

• Cam: "Eat shit, pixie!"

Dokapon Kingdom

• Cori (to Beej): "First, I will punch this game, then I will punch you."

Dokapon Kingdom

Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory

• Graham: "Oh no...you can put your own textures in the game."

Cam: "I'm sure that hasn't been abused at all."

Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory

Mario Party 8

• Beej: "I'm Beej."

*pause; Beej gestures for the others to introduce themselves*

Heather: "I'm not Beej."

Ian: "I am also not Beej."

Cam: "I am Beej."

Mario Party 8

Adam's GameHaus

Asura's Wrath

• Adam: "Listen, we're not here to fuck spiders."

Asura's Wrath

• Adam: "If there is a face, then we can punch it!"

Asura's Wrath

• Adam: "Now kiss!"

Asura's Wrath

• Adam: "Lava arms? Whatever dude, been there, done that, got the t-shirt."

Asura's Wrath

Dead Space

• Adam " If I ever have to move I'm inviting Isaac Clark. Not, you know, because of lifting things, it's because my house is infested with aliens."

Dead Space

The Walking Dead

• Adam: "What happened to the zombies?"

Morgan: "Didn't you shoot them all in the face?"

Adam: "Oh, that's right, I did!"

The Walking Dead

Tinker Tailor Solder Fry

• *Ian talks about a jacket that still has needles embedded in it*

Alex: "Just run it through an MRI."

Cori: "That's how you break an MRI!"

Alex: "It's fine."

Non-LRL Streams

StreamBros

Titanfall

• Game: "Warning! Another titan is attacking you!"

Matt: *facing and directly engaged in battle with said titan* "I can tell..."

Titanfall

• Matt: *after shooting a teammate accidentally* "Something something, check your corners. Something something, friendly fire."

Titanfall

• Andrew: "There are like 40 guys around."

Matt: "They're inside this building."

Andrew: *gets lost* "This? No..."

Matt: "Clearly not in that part of the building. That is a wall, Andrew."

Titanfall

• Matt (to Andrew): "There's a dude on that roof! There's a dude on that roof! You should shoot the dude on that roof!"

Titanfall

• Matt: "Victory!"

Andrew: "I shall celebrate by shooting that guy."

Matt: "By shooting that dude straight in the face."

Titanfall

• Andrew: *regarding microphone issues on the Kinect* "I think we're going in and out depending on..." *sound cuts out as he continues speaking*

Titanfall

• Matt: "Basically, Ashton and myself, and uh... LeeLee and Andrew should all just get together and make our own sketch comedy troupe, with blackjack and hookers. It'll be great! LRR North!"

Titanfall

• Matt: "Matt 'Bounces Off Walls' Wiggins!"

Titanfall

• Andrew: "When we sign off of here in a little bit, we're going to watch the new Captain America movie."

Matt: "CAPTAIN 'MERIKUH!"

Andrew: "Holy shit, that game looks amazing!"

Matt: "Uh... That's a movie."

Andrew: "That movie looks amazing, too!"

Matt: "I don't there is a new Captain Amovie..."

Andrew: "I don't think so, either."

Matt: "CAPTAIN AMOVIEKA!"

Andrew: "Captain of Movies!"

Titanfall

• Matt: *chooses "Massive Payload" burn card*

Andrew: "Would you like to hear about my massive payload?"

Matt: *turns to face Andrew slowly*

Titanfall

• Matt: *checking the quotes page* "I don't remember saying half of these things."

Titanfall

• Matt: "That's a titan. It can see you. And you're dead."

Andrew: "That was just a guy."

Matt: "That was an AI guy, too."

Titanfall

• Matt: "That's a shield. That's an enemy! That's a lot of fucking exploding!"

Titanfall

Peggle 2

• Andrew: "Did I just de-op us from our own channel?"

Peggle 2

• Matt: "Matt 'Has a ton of balls' Wiggins"

Peggle 2

Starwhal: Just the Tip

• Matt: "And here we see the majestic FUUUUUUUUCK!"

Starwhal: Just the Tip

• Andrew: "I'm trapped on his mouth!"

Starwhal: Just the Tip

Broforce

• Andrew: "You're back! You're dead."

Matt: "I'm alive! I'm dead."

Andrew: "You're alive again! Make the most of it this time!"

Matt: "And I'm dead again."

Broforce

• *Andrew accidentally punches an explosive barrel*'

Matt: "Really? Really."

Andrew: "What?"

Matt: "You blew us both up."

Andrew: "No, I didn't."

Matt: "Yes, you did."

Andrew: "What'd I do?"

Matt: "You blew us both up."

Andrew: "How?"

Matt: "By blowing us both up."

Andrew: "I was just punching guys."

Matt: "You blew us. Both up."

Andrew: "I am very strongly starting to suspect you're making shit up."

Matt: *talking over him* "You blew. Us both up."

Broforce

RocketsRocketsRockets

• Ashton: "I was controlling the wrong rocket the entire time..."

RocketsRocketsRockets

Dungeons of Dredmor

• Andrew: *while in the basement of a library* "Who left this street lamp down here?"

Dungeons of Dredmor

• Andrew: "The techno-sewers!"

Dungeons of Dredmor

• Andrew: *facetiously* "Sweet! Small crossbow! 1 damage! Get wrecked!"

Dungeons of Dredmor

• Andrew: "Oh my God, it's a clone army down there! I'm fighting George Lucas!"

Dungeons of Dredmor