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"iOS 8" is the proper title of this article. The first letter is capitalized because of a technical limitation.

The latest and most recent operating system brings us a variety of new, assuredly-useful features.

Vital Statistics

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Date: September 29, 2014

Category: Shorts

Appearing: Paul Saunders, Alex Steacy, Graham Stark, Kathleen De Vere, James Turner, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Raymond Steacy, Cameron Lauder and Rachel Bradford

Writing: LoadingReadyRun

Camera: Graham Stark, James Turner, Kathleen De Vere

Beejoom: Brendan "Beej" Dery

Edited by: Graham Stark

Executive Producers: Andrew "Omega Lairon" Paye, Rachel Bradford and Christian "Imat" Johnson


The video is in the form of a trailer (narrated by Graham) for iOS 8, "the iOS release with the biggest number ever", and is divided into sections based on features.

  • The first (unnamed) segment shows a man played by Paul talking with Siri. Paul first asks her what time it is, then jokingly asks her to make him lunch. She confirms the request and then lets a homeless person (played by Alex) in to make him lunch.
  • "Time Lapse": The camera shoots "time-lapsed" footage by snapping photos at "dynamically selected intervals". As an example, a man played by James shows a woman played by Kathleen how he used the feature to catch who was eating his cookies. Though he never caught the thief, he did catch his roommate (played by Beej) masturbating without breaking eye contact with the camera for six consecutive hours.
  • "Predictive Text": The phone catches your wayward pressing of buttons on the keyboard and predicts what you will type, allowing you to send messages with less time and thought. Two men played by Graham and Cam have a nonsensical conversation that appears to be about confirming plans for that evening and the following day.
  • "Suggestive Text": The phone "translates" your text into what you really mean to say once you send the message. A man and a woman (played by James and Rachel Bradford, one of the Kickstarter producers for the season) send what appear to be introductory texts to one another, and the phone translates them into direct propositions of casual sex.
  • "Photo Filters": The camera not only adjusts your color, brightness, contrast ect. of the photos you take automatically, but can also pick up spectra not normally visible to the naked eye. Use of those filters reveals new details in the photos, such as the presence of Slenderman or the fact that the person taking the photo has a dinosaur head.
  • "Fitness": A vaguely described health app. The example presented returns to the scene of Paul and the homeless man, now chasing each other around the table.

The stinger shows the man played by Beej masturbating into his roommate's camera again, this time with his shirt off. His phone notates him that his electrolyte levels are low and he steals a cookie to compensate.


  • Production error: in the credits, the quotes around the "Beej" in the listing of Beej as an actor are not closed, like so: Brendan "Beej Dery
Season Eleven     Shorts

◀ ●∙∙∙Sorry to Interrupt     Destiny Tales ∙∙∙● ▶
Watch IOS 8 on LRR     Discuss IOS 8 on LRR
Watch IOS 8 on the Escapist     Discuss IOS 8 on the Escapist